I Think I Was Raped

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When I was 18 I wanted to move out of my parents’ house so bad. I wanted away from their strict rules, curfew, and they hated my boyfriend and I was pissed. A few weeks after graduation I went to a party at a stranger’s house. Later that night I found out that she was the new girlfriend of a guy friend of mine. The guy and I had been friends since we were like 13. We instantly hit it off and made plans for me to move in that weekend.

At first, it was exciting. We partied all the time, not on drugs, but plenty of alcohol. I wasn’t used to drinking so heavily so it didn’t take much until I was really really drunk. Things were going well for a few months and it had been a fun summer. Until that morning…

There were quite a few people at the house and people were getting drunk. My boyfriend and my roommate’s boyfriend (the guy who was my friend since we were 13) got into a fist fight and the cops showed up. After the cops broke the party up everyone left. Everyone but my roommate’s boyfriend. He was staying the night.

I ended up getting so drunk the last thing I remember from that night is crawling up the stairs to bed. The next morning I was slowly waking while a having a dream I was having sex. I had been really drunk the night before so it was taking me a while to fully wake up. My head was killing me and I felt like I was spinning while half asleep. Then I felt something. I heard soft moaning. Then I felt the wetness.

I wasn’t dreaming. I was having sex. Someone was having sex with me. At first I didn’t know what to do and I stayed perfectly still pretending to be asleep. It was like I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Trying to figure out if it was really happening. What the F*&$? It was really happening. Maybe my boyfriend came back and slept over? But, it didn’t feel like my boyfriend.

I quickly opened my eyes and used my arms to push him up trying to get him off me. Then I saw, I saw who it was. It was my friend. My roommate’s boyfriend. The same guy I had been friends with since we were 13 years old.

I started crying and said, “What the fuck are you doing.” He said, “Don’t be mad. I’ve loved you since we were kids and I knew this was the only way I’d ever have you.” I was shocked. I was crying. I was embarrassed. He got up, got dressed, and slipped out of my room.

I didn’t scream. I didn’t stop him until after I was fully awake and realized I wasn’t dreaming. I never told my roommate. I never told anyone. Until now.

I was uncomfortable around him the next few days. Other than that, I guess I got over it. I just thought he was a complete dick for doing it. I never talked to him about it. We acted like it never happened. He never did it again.

I never thought of it as rape. I’ve always just thought of it as like the guy was a dick for doing it but he didn’t hurt me. He didn’t attack me. He had sex with me while I was asleep. It really wasn’t that big of a deal.

But, I did move out about a month later. I’ve never seen him again in person. We are Facebook friends and he is married with kids now. I still haven’t said anything.

~Anonymous.

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