Legitchics.com | What Moms of Biracial Children Hear from Strangers Every Single Day | By Vicki Marie ~
I’m a blonde-haired-blue-eyed-white-Southern-woman with 3 biracial children – in Texas! I have 5 children altogether, 2 biological, and 3 adopted boys. I hate saying adopted – it makes me feel like people think they are less than biological children. Truth be told, I love them all the same – they are all my children.
“Neither flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but miraculously my own. Let it always be known that you did not grow under my heart, but in it.”
That’s one of my favorite sayings. My boys are my own. Our family is a wonderful mixture of colors and ethnicities. Although, if you ask my little guys what nationality they are you will hear, “We’re Texan!” We’re our own kinda proud people here in Texas.
When the boys were babies, I had 6 foster children all under the age of 3 years old, including my 3 boys who were my foster babies at the time. I was single, but my ex-husband and I remained best friends, as we still are today. I remember going to the store and people would look from me to my ex and then to the kids and back at me. One by one they would look back at me with a look as if thinking damn she cheated one, two, three, four… We would just giggle and go on about our way. I don’t know how people figured that it was physically possible to have 6 children, obviously not sets of twins, all 3 and under – but they did.
I didn’t really care what people thought – I never really do – unless they think I’m being ugly for no reason – now that bothers me. But, what does get to me are the downright rude comments and ridiculous questions from total strangers. For the life of me I haven’t figured out if people are trying to be funny, if they are just oblivious to how their words affect not only me, but my boys as well, or if they are just plain rude and being asshats. Nonetheless, all these years I thought it was only me that people say these things to. Yes, I know – it’s called it only happens to me syndrome. I’m working on that.
Anyway, this has been weighing on me lately so the other day I asked moms in a mom group I belong to a simple question; “To all the moms of biracial children – do strangers ever ask you stupid questions or make rude comments about your children?” And holy shit – the board lit up like none other. Within a few hours there were already 330 comments and I stopped counting and responding after that. And here I thought I was the only one. Some women posted hilarious comebacks. Some women posted stories of what their biracial families are going through that were downright sad and some were even scary. Racism is an ugly thing.
Whenever I’ve experienced the stupidity of others I almost always have a smart-ass comeback to put them in their place. For instance, someone once asked me, “Where’d you get them?” Seriously – where did I get them? I replied, “Oh, I ordered them online – you can do that nowadays.” That usually shuts em up real quick.
Here are a few of the most common things people say to moms about their bi-racial children:
- Are you the babysitter/nanny?
- How nice that you adopted those children.
- They aren’t yours, right?
- Are you sure they’re yours?
- Where’s their mom?
- They don’t look like they’re yours.
- They must all have different dads.
- They are so pretty – what are they?
- Oh, I love Oreo babies.
- They must go out in the sun a lot.
Oh, that just reminded me of the time me and the boys were talking about how family doesn’t have to match, and we were talking about how all of our skin colors were different, and how God makes us that way. I had said that I go out in the sun a lot to try to get tan so my skin will look as pretty as their skin is because I wanted to look just like them. Trey, my youngest says, “Momma, I’m gonna go in the sun too so I can look just like you.” Isn’t that just the cutest thing?
Anyway, the comments went on and on – and on. Almost always it was a woman making these comments and asking stupid, and quite frankly judgmental, questions to other moms. It still surprises me that in today’s day and age, with all the diversity in America, that people would make such ignorant comments to perfect strangers about their children. That, and that they are saying these things in front of the children. I also found it interesting that a lot of comments were coming from other woman at church. That’s right – at church. I’ve had some of the most hurtful things said about my children from members at church – but I’m saving that for another article.
Don’t we all remember the children’s hymn, “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red or yellow, black or white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.” I sure do.
Wait. Hold up. Whaaat? I’m adopted?
Ladies, have you ever stopped to think about what you are saying? What if (as in my case) the children are adopted and you say something like, “How nice that you adopted those children” right in front of them? What if they didn’t know they were adopted? That’s happened to me before. My children are adopted – but still – how dare someone make assumptions. How do they know I don’t have a Black/Hispanic husband? And, when I was asked that in front of my boys – they didn’t know they were adopted then. Nice. Thanks fucker! And, when you say “those” children – do you ever stop and ask yourself how that makes the child feel? Those children.
Of course, the mom knows if her children are hers or not. They say there are no stupid questions but come on – that’s pretty stupid. And, to make assumptions about whether or not they all have
the same father? I’ve seen biological families with children that all differ in skin tones – some lighter and some darker. You shouldn’t make assumptions. You know what they say about assumptions right?
Think about this – the next time you feel the urge to make a comment to a mom about her biracial children – STOP. Think. And, just say something like, “You have very beautiful children” and leave it at that. If there is more to the story and mom wants to share – she will.
I get being friendly – believe me I do. As one of my good friends just reminded me that the first time we met I had invited her in the house and said, “Come on in girl – tell me your life story!” That’s how I roll.
Until next time,
Love Vicki Marie ~
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